


Alone

by because-were-family (celestewritesoccasionally)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depressed Morality | Patton Sanders, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestewritesoccasionally/pseuds/because-were-family
Summary: Patton is sad
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Unedited vent fic go brrrrr
> 
> This deals with depression, be careful  
> Especially warning for graphic self harm and suicidal thoughts about halfway through, marked with **

Patton just  _ couldn't. _ He'd hardly gotten out of bed all day, but the exhaustion still weighed down on him.

He looked out the window, the dreary gray sky had faded into black.

He'd pulled the curtains open on his trip to the bathroom this morning, Logan had always said that was supposed to help, but instead, the dim light and steady rainfall only made Patton more tired.

Patton should get up. He should get up and make dinner. Check on all his kiddos. Do the laundry that had been piling up for weeks.

But instead, he just stared at the ceiling, his mind blank except for the impenetrable feeling of guilt and despair.

He vaguely registered footsteps in the hallway, but they soon faded.

Patton didn't know why he thought they were going to check on him. They didn't care, and they shouldn't. Really, the most they would do was complain that Patton hadn't done anything all day, so what was the point? It was better for everyone if Patton was alone.

Even if it would be so nice if someone came and held him, kept him safe, and warm, and cared for. If only Patton deserved that…

But he didn't. All he deserved was pain, loneliness, suffering. He had earned everything he was feeling right now. He shouldn't ask for more.

He just wished it would stop. Wished he could cut into his skin until the pain went away, drown himself in scalding water, swallow too many of the pills that were supposed to keep him sane until his vision went black and his heartbeat faded. Maybe if he just held his breath long enough, he could go to sleep and never wake up.

His thoughts were interrupted by a gentle knock at the door.

"Patton? May we come in?" Logan's voice.

Patton glanced at the clock. 8pm. When did it get that late?

"Right, it's late, I'm sorry, I'll be out in a minute…" Patton's voice broke as he tried to convince himself to get up. 

"No, Patton, it's quite alright," Logan pushed open the door. 

"Sorry, I...I was just about to get up-"

"No...I had assumed you were just busy...but Virgil expressed concern, and I see he was right."

"Rough day?" Virgil asked, carefully sitting on the edge of the bed. 

Patton sighed. "Yeah…"

"We brought you some dinner,"

Patton looked up at the tray Logan was holding. "I was supposed to do that…"

Logan smiled reassuringly. "It's quite alright, I spend too much time at my desk anyway,"

Patton nodded a little, starting to tear up.

"Oh, hey, Pat, it's okay," 

Virgil opened his arms to hug Patton, who quickly nodded and let Virgil hold him.

"It's gonna get better, I promise,"

Patton blinked the tears out of his eyes.

"How do you know?"

Virgil smiled a little, a glimmer of purple adding to his eyeshadow. "Just trust me."

Logan stepped forward, placing a hand on Patton's shoulder. "And we'll be here for you until it does."

Patton nodded, letting himself fall apart under their touch.


End file.
